There is so much to know about conversation that anyone, even I, could ever realize. You can watch talk shows, listen to radio programs, join clubs dedicated to public speaking, engage in ordinary conversations; but, certain rules still apply when it comes to interaction through words. It may sound tedious, I know, but even though it’s your mouth that’s doing the work, your brain works twice as hard to churn out a lot of things you know. So what better way to start learning to be an effective communicator, then to learn from the very person closest to you: yourself.

1. What you know.
Education is all about learning the basics, but to be an effective speaker is to practice what you’ve learned. We all have our limitations, but that doesn’t mean we can’t learn to keep up and share what we know.

2. Listening.
It’s just as important as asking questions. Sometimes listening to the sound of our own voice can teach us to be a little bit confident with ourselves and to say the things we believe in with conviction.

3. Humility
We all make mistakes, and sometimes we tend to slur our words, stutter, and probably mispronounce certain words even though we know what it means, but rarely use it only to impress listeners. So in a group, don’t be afraid to ask if you’re saying the right word properly and if they’re unsure about it then make a joke out of it. I promise you it’ll make everyone laugh and you can get away with it as well.

4. Eye Contact
There’s a lot to say when it comes to directing your attention to your audience with an eye-catching gaze. It’s important that you keep your focus when talking to a large group in a meeting or a gathering, even though he or she may be gorgeous.

5. Kidding around
A little bit of humor can do wonders to lift the tension or boredom when making your speech. That way, you’ll get the attention of the majority of the crowd and they’ll feel that you’re just as approachable as those who listen.

6. Be like the rest of them
Interaction is all about mingling with other people. You’ll get a lot of ideas, as well as knowing what people make them as they are.

7. Me, Myself, and I
Admit it, there are times you sing to yourself in the shower. I know I do! Listening to the sound of your own voice while you practice your speech in front of a mirror can help correct the stress areas of your pitch. And while you’re at it you can spruce up as well.

8. With a smile
A smile says it all much like eye contact. There’s no point on grimacing or frowning in a meeting or a gathering, unless it’s a wake. You can better express what you’re saying when you smile.

9. A Role Model
There must be at least one or two people in your life you have listened to when they’re at a public gathering or maybe at church. Sure they read their lines, but taking a mental note of how they emphasize what they say can help you once you take center stage.

10. Preparation
Make the best out of preparation, rather than just scribbling notes and often in a hurried panic. Some people like to write things down on index cards, while other resort to being a little more silly as they look at their notes written on the palm of their hand (not for clammy hands, please). Just be comfortable with what you know since you enjoy your work.

And that about wraps it up. These suggestions are rather amateurish in edgewise, but I’ve learned to empower myself when it comes to public or private speaking and it never hurts to be with people to listen how they make conversations and meetings far more enjoyable as well as educational.

I am going to ask you to do something very weird right now. First of all, I want you to listen to your thoughts. Now tell me, what thoughts fill your head? Would you label them as positive or negative?

Now let’s say you are walking down the street with these same thoughts. Do you think anyone, you might encounter, would be able to tell you what you were thinking? Would the way you presented yourself [air of confidence or suspicious of others] give you away? Maybe your facial expression might tell all or nothing?

The answer to number one is up to you. But, the answer number two can be pretty generic. Although people will not be able to tell you exactly what you think, they will more or less have an idea of how you are feeling.

Here’s another question. When you enter a party filled with friends, do they all fall silent, as if something terrible had happened? Or does everybody perk up, as if waiting for something exciting to happen?

You know what? The answer to all these depends on your frame of mind.

Thoughts are very powerful. They affect your general attitude. The attitude you carry reflects on your appearance, too - unless, of course, you are a great actor.

And it doesn’t end there. Your attitude can also affect people around you.

The type of attitude you carry depends on you. It can be either positive or negative.

Positive thoughts have a filling effect. They are admittedly invigorating. Plus, the people around the person carrying positive thoughts are usually energized by this type of attitude.

Negative thoughts, on the other hand, have a sapping effect on other people. Aside from making you look gloomy and sad, negative thoughts can turn a festive gathering into a funeral wake. And, let’s face it - nobody wants to be around someone that makes them feel bad.

A positive attitude attracts people, while a negative attitude repels them. People tend to shy away from those who carry a negative attitude.

We can also define attitude as the way of looking at the world. If you choose to focus on the negative things in the world, more or less you have a negative attitude brewing up. However, if you choose to focus on the positive things, you are more likely carry a positive attitude.

You have much to gain from a very positive attitude. For one, studies have shown that a positive attitude promotes better health. Those with this kind of attitude also have more friends. projecting a positive attitude also helps one to handle stress and problems better than those who have a negative attitude.

A positive attitude begins with a healthy self-image. If you will love the way you are and are satisfied, confident, and self-assured, you also make others are around feel the same way.

A negative attitude, on the other hand, has, of course, an opposite effect. So, carrying a negative attitude has a twofold drawback. You feel bad about yourself, and you make others feel the same way.

If you want to have a positive attitude, you have to ‘feed’ healthy thoughts. This is probably very hard to do nowadays since, all around us, the media feeds us nothing but negative thoughts. A study shows that for every 14 things a parent says to his or her child, only one is positive. This is truly a saddening thought.

If you want a healthier outlook in life, you need to think happy thoughts, and you have to hear positive things as well. So, what can you do? Well, for starters, you could see a funny movie, you could play with children, spend some time telling jokes with friends. All these activities fill you with positive stimuli, which in turn promotes positive attitude.

Although it is impossible to keep ourselves from the negative things around us, you can still carry a positive attitude by focusing on the good things, the positive things in life.

And this positive attitude you now carry can be of benefit to other people. Sometimes when other people feel down, the thing people mostly do is try to give them advice. But sometimes, all they need is somebody to sit by them, and listen to them. If you have a positive attitude you may be able to cheer them up without even having to say anything.

If positive attitude is really great, why do people choose to adopt a negative attitude instead? One who carries a negative attitude may actually be sending a signal for attention. Before you get me wrong, feeling sad, angry, or gloomy is not wrong itself. But dwelling on these thoughts for far too long is not healthy either. There is a time to mourn.

As always, if you are beset by troubles, even in your darkest hour, focus on the good things in life, you will always have hope. Problems become something you can overcome.

You do not have much to lose by adopting a healthy, positive attitude. Studies show that such an attitude actually retards aging, makes you healthier, helps you develop a better stress coping mechanism, and has a very positive effect on all the people you meet every day. So, what’s not to like about a positive attitude? Adopt one today.

So how do you stay calm, composed and maintain self esteem in a tough environment? Here are some tips you may want to consider as a starter guide to self improvement.

Imagine yourself as a Dart Board. Everything and everyone else around you may become Dart Pins, at one point or another. These dart pins will destroy your self esteem and pull you down in ways you won’t even remember. Don’t let them destroy you, or get the best of you. So which dart pins should you avoid?

Dart Pin #1 : Negative Work Environment
Beware of the “dog eat dog” theory where everyone else is fighting just to get ahead. This is where non-appreciative people usually thrive. No one will appreciate your contributions, even if you miss lunch and dinner, or stay up half the night to go the extra yard. Avoid this mentality, it will ruin your self esteem. Competition is healthy - to a point. But not to the extent of stepping on/over your co-workers. Keep it healthy by encouraging those around you to come up with more efficient or cost effective ideas.

Dart Pin #2: Other People’s Behavior
Bulldozers, brown-nosers, gossip-mongers, whiners, backstabbers, snipers, controllers, naggers, complainers, exploders, patronizers… all these kinds of people will pose bad vibes for your self esteem, as well as to your self improvement scheme. Avoid them at all costs, they have a way of sucking the life out of others.

Dart Pin #3: Changing Environment
You can’t be a green bug on a brown field. Changes challenge our paradigms. It tests our flexibility, adaptability and alters the way we think. Changes will make life difficult for awhile, it may even cause some stress, but it will help us find ways to improve ourselves. Change will be there forever, we must be susceptible to it.

Dart Pin #4: Past Experience
It’s okay to cry and say “ouch!” when we experience pain. But don’t let pain transform itself into fear. It might grab you by the tail and swing you around. Treat each failure and mistake as a lesson towards improvement.

Dart Pin #5: Negative World View
Look at what you’re looking at. Don’t wrap yourself up with all the negativity of the world. In building self esteem, we must learn how to make the best out of worst situations. A positive attitude will promote positivity in those around you. Even the worse of circumstances will offer something positive. It’s just a matter of how you choose to perceive the situation.

Dart Pin #6: Determination Theory
The way you are and your behavioral traits are said to be a mixed end product of your inherited traits (genetics), your upbringing (psychic), and your environmental surroundings such as your spouse, the company, the economy or your circle of friends. You have your own identity. If your father is a failure, it doesn’t mean you have to be a failure too. Learn from other people’s experience, so you’ll never have to encounter the same mistakes.

Sometimes, you may wonder if some people are born leaders or positive thinkers. NO. Being positive, and staying positive is a choice. Building self esteem and drawing lines for self improvement is a choice, not a rule or a talent.

In life, its hard to find your strength sometimes, especially when things and people around you keep pulling you down. When we get to the battle field, we should choose the right luggage to bring and armors to use, and pick those that are bullet proof. Life’s options give us arrays of more options. During the battle, we will get hit and bruised. And wearing a bullet proof armor ideally means ‘self change.’ The kind of change which comes from within - Voluntarily. Armor or Self Change  will change 3 things: our attitude, our behavior and our way of thinking.

Building self esteem will eventually lead to self improvement, if we start to become responsible for who we are, what we have, and what we do. Its like a flame that should gradually spread like a brush fire from inside and out. When we develop self esteem, we take control of our mission, values and discipline. Self esteem brings about self improvement, true assessment, and determination.

So how do you start putting up the building blocks of self esteem? Be positive. Be contented and happy. Be appreciative. Never miss an opportunity to compliment. A positive way of living will help you build self esteem, your starter guide to self improvement.

Power through the people

Have you come across a person who is so naturally friendly that when you put him inside a room of strangers, he’ll be friends with almost everyone in no time? We call such a people-person, someone unbelievably nice and so charismatic, that he can charm anyone into doing anything.

A socially-empowered person achieves so much greatness, basically, because of the people that catapult him to success. He earns the trust and all-out support of the people, whom he had helped before. He never runs out of help. He can do anything with the plethora of people behind him. All because he knows he maximizes his social potential!

See, if you know your social skills and you make use of them, you will reach self-empowerment. Self-empowerment is making a general overhaul in your life and turning yourself into a happier and more successful person. If you can be one of those people-persons, then I can’t see any reason why you will not succeed. You just have to know how to start.

1. Be genuine.

Hypocrisy will just bring you all the way down. Be genuinely nice and interested in people. Once they perceive that you are Mr. Hypocrite with selfish intentions, you might as well say goodbye to self-empowerment.

2. Be the greatest listener that you can be.

To earn the love and trust of the people, listen to their problems and sympathize with them. Do not just hear them out, listen to them with your heart. Make eye contact when the person talks to you. Listen as if every word matters, because it does.

3. Laugh out loud.

I do not mean that you force yourself to laugh for every joke cracked by someone, albeit you do not find it funny at all. This means finding humor in things and not being too darn serious. A person oozing with an awesome sense of humor attracts crowds and eventually, attracts success.

4. Don’t forget yourself.

In the process of fluttering around like a social butterfly, you might forget yourself, allowing everyone to push you over. Remember, love and value yourself before anyone else. If you deem yourself respectable and worthy of affection, people will flock to you and not trample on you.

5. Do random acts of kindness.

You don’t have to do a John Rockefeller and blow your savings to charity. Little acts of kindness matters the most, and this can be as simple as giving someone a surprise you-take-care card or helping an elderly cross the street. When we were kindergarten students, kindness was taught to us and greatly practiced. Now is the time to revive the good deeds and this time, let them stay for good.

6. Contact your old friends.

Sad how some friendships are destined to goodbye, but thanks to technology, you can do something about it. Relive the good old days by flipping through your yearbook and look for the great people whom you want to communicate with again. Adding these old friends to your roster of support peers, will surely make you feel good all over.

7. Develop your personality.

Are you grouchy, grumpy and generally morose? Whoa, you can’t go through life with those. Get rid of the bad traits and habits that perpetually hamper your growth. And really, who wants a grouchy friend anyway?

8. Be confident.

Be able to stride to the other corner of the room and introduce yourself to people with that winning smile of yours. Just remember: be confident, not arrogant.

9. Practice control.

When angry, don’t snap at anyone. Never throw a tantrum. Stay calm and collected. Be adult enough to take control of a situation and transform your anger into something more productive and passive. As soon as people think your anger goes to volcanic proportions easily, they will find it hard to come to you.

10. Keep nurturing your relationships.

Your relationship with your family, friends and significant others is too precious and you must not neglect it, whatever happens. Go out and have fun with them. Do things together. Happiness will never fly from your side as long as the people who matter the most are close to you.

In the end, using people for self-empowerment means becoming a better and more lovable person. It’s a win-win situation: the people know they can turn to you anytime and vice-versa.

WHY IS IT IMPORTANT TO IMPROVE YOURSELF?

Sometimes, when all our doubts, fears and insecurities  get wrapped around us, we come up with thoughts like, “I wish I was somebody else.” More often than not, we think and believe that someone or rather, most people are better than us - when in reality, the fact is, most people are more scared than us.

You spot a totally eye-catching girl sitting by herself at a party, casually sipping on a glass of Asti Spumanti. You think to yourself, “she looks so perfectly calm and confident.” But if you could read her mind, you would see a cloud of self-doubt; and you might just be amazed that she’s thinking “are people talking about why I am seated here alone?… Why don’t guys find me attractive? …I don’t like my ankles, they look too skinny… I wish I was as intelligent as my best friend.”

We look at a young business entrepreneur and say “Woah… what else could he ask for?” He stares at himself in the mirror and murmur to himself, “I hate my big eyes… I wonder why my friends won’t talk to me… I hope mom and dad will work things out.”

Isn’t it funny? We look at other people, envy them for looking so outrageously perfect and wish we could trade places with them? While they look at us and think the same thing. We are insecure of other people who themselves are insecure of us. It can become a vicious circle of thoughts. We suffer from low self-esteem, lack of self-confidence and lose hope in self improvement, because we allow ourselves to become enveloped in quiet desperation.

Everyone has their own challenges in life that they must overcome. There is no such thing as ‘the perfect’ life. But, that doesn’t mean we can’t make our life ‘perfect’ for us. While it’s true, money makes life a whole lot easier to deal with, there are many rich people who would trade their fortune to find that one true love. Everything in life has some sort of trade off, it keeps life balanced. But, you don’t have to trade the most valuable thing you possess - the ability to focus and appreciate all the good things in your life.

The Ability:

Sometimes, you notice that you have an irritating habit like biting your fingernails, having a foul mouth, and you - of all people - are the last to know or realize. But, with that realization comes the ability to change and improve.

I have a friend who never gets tired of talking about herself. And in most conversations, she is the only one who seems to be interested in the things she has to say. So all of our other friends tend to avoid the circle whenever she’s around, and she doesn’t notices how badly she became socially handicapped - gradually affecting the people in her environment.

The greatest key to self improvement is to LISTEN first, and then TALK. Find someone who you find comfort in opening up with, even the most gentle topics you want to discuss. Ask questions like “do you think I am ill-mannered?”, “Do I always sound so argumentative?”, “Do I talk too loud?”, “Do I ever bore you when we’re together?”. Then listen to what they have to say. Think about what they said with an open mind. Then, talk about it with your friend, ask for suggestions and come up with a positive plan to make improvements.

In this way, the other person will obviously know that you are interested in the process of self improvement. Lend him/her your ears for comments and criticisms and don’t give him/her responses like “Don’t exaggerate! That’s just the way I am!” Open up your mind and heart as well. And in return, you may want to help your friend with constructive criticism that will also help him/her improve.

One of Whitney Houston’s songs says “Learning to love yourself is the greatest love of all.” True enough. In order to love others, you must love yourself first. Remember, you cannot give what you do not have.

Before telling other people some ways on how to improve themselves, let them see that you yourself are a representation of self improvement. Self improvement makes us better people, we then inspire other people, and then the rest of the world will follow.

Stop thinking of yourselves as second-rate. Forget the repetitive thought of “If only I was richer… if only I was thinner” and so on. Accepting your true self is the first step to self improvement. We need to stop comparing ourselves to others, only to think in the end, that we’ve got 10 more reasons to envy them. Because you know what? They are most likely thinking the same thing.

We all have our insecurities. Nobody is perfect. We always wish we had better things, better features, better body parts, etc. But life need not be perfect for people to be happy about themselves. Self improvement and loving yourself is not a matter of shouting to the whole world that you are perfect and you are the best. It’s the virtue of acceptance and contentment. When we begin to improve ourselves, we then begin to feel contented and happy.

Realizing your own self worth improves your confidence, thus improving everything from body posture to speech and eye contact. Don’t just talk about how you feel, show it through your actions. Back that up with positive reinforcement and you will be amazed at the results, as well as your improved mood.

Here’s a real good example, that keeps it simple:

A child touches or plays with something [maybe of financial value or just plain dangerous] that you would rather they not touch. The worse way to ‘attempt’ teaching that child is usually a swat on the hand and firmly stating, “No.” And I say attempt, because this will only make the child desire the object more.

Instead, try the following: (Explain in words they understand) Pick up one of their toys, a book, or safe alternate object - while displaying extreme interest in object. Most children will refocus their attention to the object you possess. For those children who do not, suggest a trade or tell them - “Here, you may play with this, but that [the object they possess] is not safe, let mommy/daddy have it. Gently remove the object from their hand, saying “thank you, that was a very good girl/boy.”

The same positive reinforcement applies with adults. When you focus on the positive, the negative moves to the background. The more positive your focus, the better you will feel and the easier solutions will come to follow. People will see you in a positive light, because you are positive as a person. Only good things can come from that. The positive feeds off the positive - get it?

Now start starving the negative and feeding the positive!

Spiritual Growth: the Spiritual Challenge of Modern Times

To grow spiritually in a world defined by power, money, and influence is a Herculean task. Modern conveniences such as electronic equipments, gadgets, and tools as well as entertainment through television, magazines, and the web have predisposed us to confine our attention mostly to physical needs and wants. As a result, our concepts of self-worth and self-meaning are muddled. How can we strike a balance between the material and spiritual aspects of our lives?

To grow spiritually is to look inward.

Introspection goes beyond recalling the things that happened in a day, week, or month. You need to look closely and reflect on your thoughts, feelings, beliefs, and motivations. Periodically examining your experiences, the decisions you make, the relationships you have, and the things you engage in provide useful insights on your life goals, on the good traits you must sustain and the bad traits you have to discard.

Moreover, it gives you clues on how to act, react, and conduct yourself in the midst of any situation. Like any skill, introspection can be learned; all it takes is the courage and willingness to seek the truths that lie within you. Here are some pointers when you introspect: be objective, be forgiving of yourself, and focus on your areas for improvement.

To grow spiritually is to develop your potentials.

Religion and science have differing views on matters of the human spirit. Religion views people as spiritual beings temporarily living on Earth, while science views the spirit as just one dimension of an individual.

Mastery of the self is a recurring theme in both Christian (Western) and Islamic (Eastern) teachings. The needs of the body are recognized but placed under the needs of the spirit. Beliefs, values, morality, rules, experiences, and good works provide the blueprint to ensure the growth of the spiritual being. In Psychology, realizing one’s full potential is to self-actualize. Maslow identified several human needs: physiological, security, belongingness, esteem, cognitive, aesthetic, self-actualization, and self-transcendence. James earlier categorized these needs into three: material, emotional, and spiritual. When you have satisfied the basic physiological and emotional needs, spiritual or existential needs come next.

Achieving each need leads to the total development of the individual. Perhaps the difference between these two religions and psychology is the end of self-development: Christianity and Islam see that self-development is a means toward serving God, while psychology view that self-development is an end by itself.

To grow spiritually is to search for meaning.

Religions that believe in the existence of God such as Christian-ism, Judaism, and Islam suppose that the purpose of the human life is to serve the Creator of all things. Several theories in psychology propose that we ultimately give meaning to our lives. Whether we believe that life’s meaning is pre-determined or self-directed, to grow in spirit is to realize that we do not merely exist.

We do not know the meaning of our lives at birth; but we gain knowledge and wisdom from our interactions with people and from our actions and reactions to the situations we are in. As we discover this meaning, there are certain beliefs and values that we reject and affirm. Our lives have purpose.

This purpose puts all our physical, emotional, and intellectual potentials into use; sustains us during trying times; and gives us something to look forward to—a goal to achieve, a destination to reach. A person without purpose or meaning is like a drifting ship at sea.

To grow spiritually is to recognize interconnections.

Religions stress the concept of our relatedness to all creation, live and inanimate. Thus we call other people “brothers and sisters” even if there are no direct blood relations. Moreover, deity-centered religions such as Christianity and Islam speak of the relationship between humans and a higher being. On the other hand, science expounds on our link to other living things through the evolution theory. This relatedness is clearly seen in the concept of ecology, the interaction between living and non-living things. In psychology, connectedness is a characteristic of self-transcendence, the highest human need according to Maslow.

Recognizing your connection to all things makes you more humble and respectful of people, animals, plants, and things in nature. It makes you appreciate everything around you. It moves you to go beyond your comfort zone and reach out to other people, and become stewards of all other things around you.

Growth is a process thus to grow in spirit is a day-to-day encounter. We win some, we lose some, but the important thing is that we learn, and from this knowledge, further spiritual growth is made possible.

Creative Notions

People seem to have the misconception that only a select few are able to unleash a steady flow of creative genius. That is not true at all. The fact is, creativity is very much like a muscle that needs to be exercised in order to consistently give out great results. If you don’t practice harnessing creative thinking, this skill will very much atrophy into in-existence. But keep working and this skill will soon come to you in a snap.

So how do you unleash your creative thinking?

Well, the first thing is to become a human leech. No, we’re not talking about just sucking the blood out of every living being available, we’re saying that you should take in as much knowledge and learning you can find. Read everything available — good and bad, and keep your mind open to the infinite possibilities of the universe. The more you know, the more you’ll want to know, and the more your faculty of wonder will be exercised. Prepare to be amazed at little facts that add a bit of color into your life.

Focus on a creative activity everyday.

Yes, it’s an effort. Even doodling is a creative activity. Don’t let anything hinder you. Mindlessness may be a creative activity, but for people who are just starting out to unleash a little bit of creative thinking in their lives, it is helpful and encouraging to have concrete evidence, that, “hey, what I’m doing is getting somewhere.” So why don’t you try it. Practice drawing for a couple of minutes each day. Bring out your old camera and start snapping photos like crazy. Keep a journal and make a point to write in it religiously. Another cool idea is to write by describing something with your five senses. Try to avoid vague adjectives like “marvelous,” “amazing,” and “delicious.” Before you know it, you’ll have built yourself a tiny portfolio, and you’ll be amazed at the growth you’ve undertaken after amassing all those works of art. Who knows, you might actually take to liking those things you do everyday. Pretty soon those things will become a part of you and you’ll be addicted to these creative exercises.

Think out of the box — or don’t.

Sometimes, constraints are actually a good thing. Limitations discipline you to work within your means. It enables you to be more resourceful. Creative freedom is great, but limitations enforce discipline.

Try something new everyday and let your experiences broaden your perspective.

Explore a new district in your neighborhood. Spend an afternoon in a museum to which you’ve never been before. Chat up someone on the bus. Open up to the people around you. As you thrust yourself out of your comfort zone more and more each day, your sense of adventure grows and so does your zest for life. Think about it.

When was the last time you did something for the first time? If it’s been a while, I tell you, you’ve been missing out on a whole lot of experiences that would’ve added to your growth, emotionally, mentally, physically, or spiritually. Why don’t you try bungee jumping today? Not only will you learn, but you will also have plenty of stories to share, enabling you to practice your storytelling skills and making you the life of the party.

Embrace insanity.

No, not to the point of practically admitting yourself into the mental ward. As John Russell once said, “Sanity calms, but madness is more interesting.” Exactly! Every creative thought was once deemed insanity by other “normal” people at one time or another. Luckily, that didn’t stop the creative geniuses from standing by them.

The thing is, sanity or being normal confines people to think… well, normally. Within limits. Creativity is essentially breaking through barriers. Yes, this includes the bizarre and the downright strange. I’m not saying that you yourself should develop a creative personality. That might go haywire. An example of a creative personality would be George Washington, who often rode into battle naked, or James Joyce, who wrote “Dubliners” with beetle juice for an intense fear of ink, or Albert Einstein, who thought his cat was a spy sent by his rival (or in thinking creatively in this case, the term could probably be “arch-nemesis.”) It’s important that your creativity doesn’t get you detached from the real world completely.

I hope this article has inspired you to start thinking beyond your “limits.” If you follow these steps pretty soon you’ll be living a life full of interesting adventures. Unleashing your creative thinking will bring about a new zest for living life.

“Who’s the Boss?” 10 ways to start taking control (time management, goal setting, record tracking)

At first glance, it would seem that positive thinking and Attention Deficit Disorder (ADD) have nothing to do with one another. But many of us with ADD develop negative thinking patterns because we become frustrated by our challenges and frequent feelings of being overwhelmed. This negative outlook then makes it even harder for some to manage those challenges and move forward.

Practicing positive thinking allows people with ADD to focus on our strengths and accomplishments, which increases happiness and motivation. This, in turn, allows us to spend more time making progress, and less time feeling down and stuck.

The following tips provide practical suggestions that you can use to help you shift into more positive thinking patterns:

1. Take Good Care of Yourself
It’s much easier to be positive when you are eating well, exercising, and getting enough rest.

2. Remind Yourself of the Things You Are Grateful For
Stresses and challenges don’t seem quite as bad when you are constantly reminding yourself of the things that are right in life. Taking just 60 seconds a day to stop and appreciate the good things will make a huge difference.

3. Look for the Proof Instead of Making Assumptions
A fear of not being liked or accepted sometimes leads us to assume that we know what others are thinking, but our fears are usually not reality. If you have a fear that a friend or family member’s bad mood is due to something you did, or that your co-workers are secretly gossiping about you when you turn your back, speak up and ask them. Don’t waste time worrying that you did something wrong unless you have proof that there is something to worry about.

4. Refrain from Using Absolutes
Have you ever told a partner “You’re ALWAYS late!” or complained to a friend “You NEVER call me!”? Thinking and speaking in absolutes like ‘always’ and ‘never’ makes the situation seem worse than it is and programs your brain into believing that certain people are incapable of delivering.

5. Detach From Negative Thoughts
Your thoughts can’t hold any power over you if you don’t judge them. If you notice yourself having a negative thought, detach from it, witness it, and don’t follow it.

6. Squash the “ANTs”
In his book “Change Your Brain, Change Your Life,” Dr. Daniel Amen talks about “ANTs” - Automatic Negative Thoughts. These are the bad thoughts that are usually reactionary, like “Those people are laughing, they must be talking about me,” or “The boss wants to see me? It must be bad!” When you notice these thoughts, realize that they are nothing more than ANTs and squash them!

7. Practice Loving, Touching & Squeezing
You don’t have to be an expert to know the benefits of a good hug. Positive physical contact with friends, loved ones, and even pets, is an instant pick-me-up. One research study on this subject had a waitress touch some of her customers on the arm as she handed them their checks. She received higher tips from these customers than from the ones she didn’t touch! Put this to the test yourself, you will be amazed!

8. Increase Your Social Activity
By increasing social activity, you decrease loneliness. Surround yourself with healthy, happy people, and their positive energy will affect you in a positive way!

9. Volunteer for an Organization, or Help another Person
Everyone feels good after helping. You can volunteer your time, your money, or your resources. The more positive energy you put out into the world, the more you will receive in return.

10. Use Pattern Interrupts to Combat Rumination
If you find yourself ruminating, a great way to stop it is to interrupt the pattern and force yourself to do something completely different. Rumination is like hyper-focus on something negative. It’s never productive, because it’s not rational or solution-oriented, it’s just excessive worry. Try changing your physical environment - go for a walk or sit outside. You could also call a friend, pick up a book, or turn on some music.

When it comes to the corporate world, protocol is pretty much the religion. To know the things that need to be done are the basics of productivity, but interaction and having a steady mind will take you towards true productivity. There are those who seem to work well even under pressure, but they’re uncommon. We are human and therefore, subject to being imperfect. To allow the little things to get the best of us will not solve our problems. Sometimes it takes a bit of courage, but that’s something we all have.

MOTIVATION, THE HEART OF SELF IMPROVEMENT

Pain may sometimes be the reason why people change. Failing grades in school/college make us realize that we need to study. Debts remind us of our inability to look for a source of income. Being humiliated gives us the ‘push’ to speak up and fight for ourselves to ’save face’ from the next embarrassments. It may be a bitter experience - a friend’s tragic story, a great movie, or an inspiring book - that will help us find just the right amount of motivation we need, in order to improve ourselves.

With the countless negativity the world brings about, how do we keep motivated? Try the tips I prepared below, from A to Z:

A - Achieve your dreams. Avoid negative people, things and places. Eleanor Roosevelt once said, “the future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams.”

B - Believe in yourself, and in what you can do.

C - Consider every angle and aspect of given situation. To be able to understand life, you should feel the sun from both sides.

D - Determination: Don’t give up and don’t give in. Thomas Edison failed once, twice, more than thrice before he came up with his invention and perfected the incandescent light bulb. Make motivation as your steering wheel.

E - Enjoy life. Work as if you don’t need money. Dance as if nobody is watching. Love as if you never cried. Learn as if you’ll live forever. Motivation takes place when people are happy.

F - Family and Friends - are life’s greatest ‘F’ treasures. Don’t loose sight of them.

G - Generosity: Give more than enough or expected. When does motivation and self improvement take place at work? At home? At school? The answer is simple: When you exert extra effort in doing things.

H - Have/Hold onto your dreams. They may dangle in there for a moment, but these little stars will be your driving force.

I - Ignore those who try to destroy you. Don’t let other people get the best of you. Stay away from toxic people - the kind of friends who hate to hear about your success.

J - Just be yourself. The key to success is to be yourself. And the key to failure is to try to please everyone. The best person you know how to be is yourself!

K - keep trying no matter how hard life may seem. When a person is motivated, eventually he sees a harsh life will shift towards smoother sailing, once the rough seas have calmed. Every storm will pass.

L - Learn to love yourself. Now isn’t that easy?

M - Make things happen. Motivation is when your dreams are put into work clothes.

N - Never lie, cheat or steal. Always play a fair game.

O - Open your eyes wide, view the world on a larger canvas. Then view things in two ways - how you want things to be, and how they should be. Open your mind to the possibilities of all things.

P - Practice makes perfect. Practice is about motivation. It enables us to make improvements, even to our imperfection. We learn from our mistakes, when we practice the art of practice.

Q - Quitters never win. And winners never quit. So, choose your fate - are you going to be a quitter? Or a winner? You biggest competitor is within your own mind. Refuse to give up and you can never lose.

R - Ready yourself. Motivation is also about preparation. We must hear the little voice within us telling us to get started before others will get on their feet and try to push us around. Remember, it wasn’t raining when Noah build the ark. Prepare for the worse, but expect the best.

S - Stop procrastinating. Get your momentum rolling by taking that first small step. Then just keep placing one foot in front of the other. Maintain a steady pace, so to speak, and before you know it - the task is complete.

T - Take control of your life. Discipline or self control jives synonymously with motivation. Both are key factors in self improvement.

U - Understand others. If you know how to talk, you should also learn how to listen. Yearn to understand first, and you will be understood.

V - Visualize it. Motivation without vision is like an untouched canvas. Paint the beauty of your aspirations in your mind’s eye, so you can actually see them. Find photos representative of your goals, place them where you can readily and repeatedly view them.

W - Want it more than anything. Dreaming means believing. And to believe is something that is rooted out from the roots of motivation and self improvement.

X - X Factor is what will make you different from the others. When you are motivated, you tend to put “extras” on your life. Like extra time for family, extra help at work, extra care for friends, and so on.

Y - You are unique. No one in this world looks, acts, or talks like you. Value your life and existence, because you’re just going to spend it once.

Z - Zero in on your dreams and go for it!!!

When we look at a certain object, a painting for example - we won’t be able to appreciate what’s in it, what is painted and what else goes with it -  if the painting is just an inch away from our face. But if we try to take it a little further and widen our view, we’ll have a clearer vision of the whole art work.

We reach a point in our life when we are ready for change and a whole bunch of information that will help us unlock our self improvement power. Until then, something can be staring us right in the face, but we don’t see it. The only time we think of unlocking our self improvement power is when everything goes awry. Take the frog principle for example -

It’s like placing Frog A in a pot of boiling water. What happens? He twerps! He jumps off! Why? Because he is not able to tolerate sudden change in his environment - the water’s temperature. Then Frog B is placed in luke warm water that is slowly heated. Frog B sits in the water until it reaches a boiling point. Frog B then thinks “Ooh… it’s a bit warm in here.” Ignoring the heat until it’s intolerable, maybe to escape at the last minute - or waiting until it’s too late.

People are like Frog B in general. Today, Anna thinks Carl hates her. Tomorrow, Patrick walks up to her and tells her he hates her. Anna stays the same and doesn’t mind what her friends says. The next day, she learned that Kim and John also abhor her. Anna doesn’t realize the importance and the need for self improvement until the entire community hates her.

We learn our lessons when we experience pain. We finally see the warning signs and signals when things get rough and tough. When do we pray and ask for help? When we realize that we can’t do it alone.

The only time most of us ever learn about unlocking our self improvement power is when the whole world is crashing and falling apart. We think and feel this way because it is not easy to change. But change becomes more painful when we ignore it.

Change will happen, like it or hate it. At one point or another, we are all going to experience different turning points in our life - and we are all going to eventually unlock our self improvement power, not because the world says so, not because our friends are nagging us, but because we realized its for our own good.

Happy people don’t just accept change, they embrace it. Now, you don’t have to feel a tremendous heat before realizing the need for self improvement. Unlocking your self improvement power means unlocking yourself in the cage of thought that “its just the way I am.” It is such a poor excuse for people who fear and resist change. Most of us program our minds like computers.

Jen repeatedly tells everyone that she doesn’t have the guts to be around groups of people. She heard her mom, her dad, her sister and her teacher all tell the same things about her to other people. Over the years, that is what Jen believes. She believes its her story. And what happens? Every time a great crowd would troop over to their house, in school, and in the community - she tends to step back, shys away and locks herself up in a room. Jen didn’t only believe in their story, she lived it.

Jen has to realize that she is not what she is in her story. Instead of having her story post around her face for everyone to remember, she has to have the spirit and show people “I am an important person and I should be treated accordingly!”

Self improvement may not be everybody’s favorite word, but if we look at things from a different point of view, we might have greater chances of enjoying the whole process - instead of counting the days with expectation that it will just occur one day.

Three sessions in a week at the gym would result to a healthier life, reading books instead of looking at porn, will shape up a more profound knowledge, going out with friends and peers will help you take a step back from work and unwind. And just when you are enjoying the whole process of unlocking your self improvement power, you’ll realize that you’re beginning to take things light and become happier.

Only you have the power, to unlock your self improvement power. See yourself and your life on a larger scale - open the horizons to your life.