WHY IS IT IMPORTANT TO IMPROVE YOURSELF?

Sometimes, when all our doubts, fears and insecurities  get wrapped around us, we come up with thoughts like, “I wish I was somebody else.” More often than not, we think and believe that someone or rather, most people are better than us - when in reality, the fact is, most people are more scared than us.

You spot a totally eye-catching girl sitting by herself at a party, casually sipping on a glass of Asti Spumanti. You think to yourself, “she looks so perfectly calm and confident.” But if you could read her mind, you would see a cloud of self-doubt; and you might just be amazed that she’s thinking “are people talking about why I am seated here alone?… Why don’t guys find me attractive? …I don’t like my ankles, they look too skinny… I wish I was as intelligent as my best friend.”

We look at a young business entrepreneur and say “Woah… what else could he ask for?” He stares at himself in the mirror and murmur to himself, “I hate my big eyes… I wonder why my friends won’t talk to me… I hope mom and dad will work things out.”

Isn’t it funny? We look at other people, envy them for looking so outrageously perfect and wish we could trade places with them? While they look at us and think the same thing. We are insecure of other people who themselves are insecure of us. It can become a vicious circle of thoughts. We suffer from low self-esteem, lack of self-confidence and lose hope in self improvement, because we allow ourselves to become enveloped in quiet desperation.

Everyone has their own challenges in life that they must overcome. There is no such thing as ‘the perfect’ life. But, that doesn’t mean we can’t make our life ‘perfect’ for us. While it’s true, money makes life a whole lot easier to deal with, there are many rich people who would trade their fortune to find that one true love. Everything in life has some sort of trade off, it keeps life balanced. But, you don’t have to trade the most valuable thing you possess - the ability to focus and appreciate all the good things in your life.

The Ability:

Sometimes, you notice that you have an irritating habit like biting your fingernails, having a foul mouth, and you - of all people - are the last to know or realize. But, with that realization comes the ability to change and improve.

I have a friend who never gets tired of talking about herself. And in most conversations, she is the only one who seems to be interested in the things she has to say. So all of our other friends tend to avoid the circle whenever she’s around, and she doesn’t notices how badly she became socially handicapped - gradually affecting the people in her environment.

The greatest key to self improvement is to LISTEN first, and then TALK. Find someone who you find comfort in opening up with, even the most gentle topics you want to discuss. Ask questions like “do you think I am ill-mannered?”, “Do I always sound so argumentative?”, “Do I talk too loud?”, “Do I ever bore you when we’re together?”. Then listen to what they have to say. Think about what they said with an open mind. Then, talk about it with your friend, ask for suggestions and come up with a positive plan to make improvements.

In this way, the other person will obviously know that you are interested in the process of self improvement. Lend him/her your ears for comments and criticisms and don’t give him/her responses like “Don’t exaggerate! That’s just the way I am!” Open up your mind and heart as well. And in return, you may want to help your friend with constructive criticism that will also help him/her improve.

One of Whitney Houston’s songs says “Learning to love yourself is the greatest love of all.” True enough. In order to love others, you must love yourself first. Remember, you cannot give what you do not have.

Before telling other people some ways on how to improve themselves, let them see that you yourself are a representation of self improvement. Self improvement makes us better people, we then inspire other people, and then the rest of the world will follow.

Stop thinking of yourselves as second-rate. Forget the repetitive thought of “If only I was richer… if only I was thinner” and so on. Accepting your true self is the first step to self improvement. We need to stop comparing ourselves to others, only to think in the end, that we’ve got 10 more reasons to envy them. Because you know what? They are most likely thinking the same thing.

We all have our insecurities. Nobody is perfect. We always wish we had better things, better features, better body parts, etc. But life need not be perfect for people to be happy about themselves. Self improvement and loving yourself is not a matter of shouting to the whole world that you are perfect and you are the best. It’s the virtue of acceptance and contentment. When we begin to improve ourselves, we then begin to feel contented and happy.

Realizing your own self worth improves your confidence, thus improving everything from body posture to speech and eye contact. Don’t just talk about how you feel, show it through your actions. Back that up with positive reinforcement and you will be amazed at the results, as well as your improved mood.

Here’s a real good example, that keeps it simple:

A child touches or plays with something [maybe of financial value or just plain dangerous] that you would rather they not touch. The worse way to ‘attempt’ teaching that child is usually a swat on the hand and firmly stating, “No.” And I say attempt, because this will only make the child desire the object more.

Instead, try the following: (Explain in words they understand) Pick up one of their toys, a book, or safe alternate object - while displaying extreme interest in object. Most children will refocus their attention to the object you possess. For those children who do not, suggest a trade or tell them - “Here, you may play with this, but that [the object they possess] is not safe, let mommy/daddy have it. Gently remove the object from their hand, saying “thank you, that was a very good girl/boy.”

The same positive reinforcement applies with adults. When you focus on the positive, the negative moves to the background. The more positive your focus, the better you will feel and the easier solutions will come to follow. People will see you in a positive light, because you are positive as a person. Only good things can come from that. The positive feeds off the positive - get it?

Now start starving the negative and feeding the positive!

Nobody wants to admit to having anxiety, but the only way of dealing with anxiety, is by addressing it head-on. Anxiety and worry are common sources of stress.

Financial problems, health issues, family concerns, and a multitude of other situations, can create an
unhealthy amount of stress, when not addressed in a healthy manner.

A person may choose to cope with these types of situations in a variety of healthy or unhealthy ways. From denying the problem altogether, to attempting to ”run away” or “hide” from the problem; an individual’s
unique set of coping skills can either increase or decrease the level of stress they experience.

Denial is a common form of coping that many people employ to deal with life issues. Typically, denial is a
“coping skill” used by people in situations which present an unbearable amount of stress.

This may happen in alcoholic families, domestic violence relationships, even in people facing severe illness or death. A person in denial simply says ”Everything is fine” or “Nothing is wrong” and simply ignores the reality before them, many times resulting in physical health issues.

Attempting to run away or hide from a stressful life event is evident in those who use drugs or alcohol to
“escape”, as well as those who simply “avoid” the problem. The individual who works too much, or the
teenager who stays away from home for days at a time, are people attempting to escape their problem.

Procrastination can be a sign of worry and anxiety. Fear of “what will happen” if the person does face the
problem, can lead to “putting off the inevitable.” This type of behavior also contributes to stress, as
the unseen and unknown are often larger in the mind, than they are in actuality.

Facing things head on may be difficult, but it is the healthiest way to handle situations that create worry,
fear or anxiety. Getting answers, instead of speculating; and  by addressing problems, instead of denying they exist. Hiding or running away from the difficult situations in your life, is not going to reduce the stress caused by these types of situations, but in fact, will exacerbate them.

You must be determined to improve your self esteem, to achieve great things in life. Low self esteem can ruin a person’s life. It all boils down to ‘what’ and ‘how’ you have trained your mind to think.

The way you think about yourself determines how you interact with others. It can also affect how others think about you. When you show others that you lack confidence in what you do or say, it raises questions within their minds. I mean, why should they trust what you do or say, when you obviously don’t trust yourself.

People can have low self esteem for many reasons. Here are some of the common reasons or should I say ‘thoughts’ that encourage and create low self esteem:

1. Nothing you do seems to go right

2. You believe that most people do not like you.

3. You believe that you are not attractive.

4. You choose something and it turns out to be the worst choice you could have made.

5. You are afraid to converse with others for fear that what you say might not make sense.

6. You feel swallowed up in a whirlpool of frustration.

What’s wrong with you, you might ask yourself? The answer to that question is quite easily answered - Your thoughts.

Stop thinking that the world is closing in on you or out to get you. Get determined instead, to achieve what you desire. Stop blaming other people for your misfortunes. The world is not your problem, you are your own problem.

From this moment on, begin the process of self esteem improvement. Think the right way and be determined to win, and win you will. Just remember that success never comes easily and that is why determination is its counterpart.

Oftentimes, one gets to the brink of success and with just a little disappointment or setback, they lose heart and give up too easily and too soon. A surefire candidate to low self esteem improvement. Who knows what great things might have been achieved if only they had persevered.

Without a high self esteem, your life could be rather boring. Change your thinking and begin to see yourself on top of the world. Make a very special effort to be what you really want to be.

You have to seriously decide either to remain in a miserable state of low self esteem, or acquire self esteem improvement and develop a high self esteem with good character and self image.

The origin of low self esteem.

A low self esteem could begin way back in childhood when children are made to believe that they are worthless. Their self confidence is eroded and they succumb to the idea that they can never achieve success in anything that they do. They were picked on, laughed at, pushed around, called ugly names, and treated with disdain. No wonder they grew up to be full of resentment.

If that was your experience, it is time you cut yourself loose from that mindset and do self esteem improvement. Start reading about the life of successful persons and you will soon discover that many of them had such low self esteem that they could not even complete an elementary education.

Many decided to override their low self esteem and improve their attitude, whatever it took. They became some of the greatest men and women that ever lived.

Low self esteem has never helped anyone else and it sure will not help you. It can only drive you into depression, anger, grudge, fear and all the other evils that it generates.

Re-program your thinking and control your state of mind. You must believe that you are worth much more than you think or you will remain at the foot of the ladder and never make an attempt to climb it.

Do not waste your life away with feelings of inadequacies. Instead, think of ways to go about self esteem improvement. Success is yours, just reach out and grasp it.

Dealing with grief, whether it’s the loss of a loved one, divorce or some other traumatic event of life can be very challenging. But, that grief seems to be compounded during the holidays and bring on feelings of depression, hopelessness and loneliness for many.

For the person grieving some type of loss, the holiday season can literally send them into a downhill spiral of woes and negative feelings. One minute they might feel numb, and then in an instant they could be feeling hostile or angry. Or maybe even start sobbing, feelings of indescribable sorrow or longing to live a different life.

Trying to move past the grief is not an easy thing to do. And when others around us, while well meaning, tell us we need to ‘get over it’ - this can actually increase the grief some people are experiencing. And, our ‘well meaning’ intentions can do more harm than good.

So, is there really any way to get past the grief and feelings that all things are hopeless?

Answer: Yes and No!

You cannot get past grief, you can only work your way through grief! And just because someone manages to feel ‘positive’ one day, does not mean they won’t be blue on yet another day. Life is funny that way and emotions run deeper than any ocean on earth.

The good news is, for the majority of people, these negative feelings of grief that intensify during the holidays are manageable. How we manage them depends on the individual variables present in our life and the people around us, and how those people around us ‘cope’ with daily life in general, in addition to their own grief coping skills. Which can and does affect our own means of dealing with grief.

Too often, during the Christmas Holiday season, we get caught up in the hustle and bustle - not having enough hours in a day to get everything done - trying to beat the next guy/gal to obtain that special gift - trying to coordinate schedules, decorating our homes, and the list goes on… Then we see all these Christmas advertisements everywhere, Christmas movies where everything works out in the end with families coming together - and we think, “why can’t my life/family be like that.” Suddenly our emotions are running over each other and our mind is screaming at us!

With all that excitement and good will, also comes self-involvement, greed, rudeness and down right meanness with some people. For the person grieving, this can be the proverbial straw that breaks the camel’s back.

But WAIT! It’s not impossible and it doesn’t have to be dealt with alone. While there really is no ‘magical’ fix for when grief finds us, we can make an active decision to ‘enjoy’ the holidays - rather than just ‘getting through’ them.

Interacting with others who have been through the same type loss, can give us some validation to our own feelings. Others can teach us the ways and tools they found most useful in overcoming grief. They can also warn us of things or situations to avoid, during these holidays. Most importantly, they have first hand knowledge of what it feels like, thus have a true understanding. Sometimes just being able to talk with others who have experienced events similar to our own is the best medicine.

Grief is sneaky and obeys no rules, so never accept being told that your methods of dealing with grief aren’t “normal” as long as you are making progress. Do not let others set ‘time’ limits on your grief either. As individuals, we must deal with grief according to our own individual needs. Again, here is where reason and what’s reasonable comes into play. What works for one person, might not work for another. Find what works for you, then put it to ‘work’ and start each new day with new resolve, determination, and outlook on life.

Make a new goal sheet nightly. List at least five positive things that will make you feel better and five things you can do or say to make someone else feel better [even laugh] about their day’s events.

Then, the following morning - the first thing you do is read your goal sheet. Make sure to take it with you wherever you go throughout the day and keep it handy for reference. Search for and set out to expect ‘positive’ things, people or events.

For those who are fortunate enough and are not dealing with grief, please remember my following words and take them to heart - you can literally change another person’s entire day, week, or even their very life for the better: If you see someone [obviously] stressed or in distress - look them in the eye, say something uplifting or just simply smile, rather than ignoring them or avoiding eye contact. It’s only the occasional butthead that won’t appreciate your kindness and warm feelings.

And for those times when you do encounter the occasional butthead, simply walk away smiling to yourself and give your thanks for all you have to be grateful for, while saying a prayer for butthead to feel some love in his/her heart.

PS. Stay away from people with wild look in eyes or acting strange, violent, or hostile. Just say a silent prayer while walking in the opposite direction.

I have always believed you can overcome anything and everything you set your mind to. And as long as your motives were good, life would be good too. Yet, my life was always filled with some type of life crisis.

The past several weeks, I have been spending my time asking myself a very stupid [in the end] question: Why is my life filled with grief, when I try so hard to do right by others - give so much of myself? Still not reaching a point of self pity, yet obsessed with having the answer to that question - the light bulb finally lit up! My God, how could I have been so blind and stupid to boot? Five little words, how can they effect so much of my life? One precept, controlling so much!

That realization has had such an impact, I knew I had to share what I had learned. My life will never be the same again. But first, let me share some of the dynamics of my mind and thinking process.

I’ve always had a positive outlook on life and each time life dealt a bad blow [so to speak], survival instinct always kicked in automatically. Yet, for as positive as my mindset, my life remained a ’soap opera drama’ of challenges that rivaled any story of fiction one could dream up.

I watched others give up when faced with less challenge. Never accepting defeat myself, I have managed to land on my feet each time. Yet, the dramas of life never stopped. Each time I would automatically fight the good fight, until I ‘righted’ each wrong only to find myself facing another fight.

My strength is drawn on my belief of the “Supreme” power and if God brings you to it, he will bring you through it and reward good effort with [at the least] peace of mind. Peace of mind? I have known that [peace of mind] for very brief periods of time. Unfortunately, my peace of mind never seemed to last very long, before I had to face yet another long, mind bending challenge/good fight.

With the belief that I can do anything I set my mind to, there lingered a hidden fear in the dark recesses of my mind … was my course of action the best and least harmful solution? Am I doing something I don’t consciously acknowledge that brings these drama situations to my doorstep? For all the good I try to do, it seems fate brings too many hardships and heartaches into my life.

I was winning the battles, but becoming to tired to handle the wars. So, what was the problem? What was I doing that was so wrong? Why couldn’t I live a ‘normal’ life with only the occasional small problems that it seems all others around me were living?

For years my friends and associates told me my problem was the fact that I refused to ask others for help in my times of need. “It’s too much for one person O’Della, you have to learn how to ask others for help!” or they would tell me, “Don’t ask IF others will help you, TELL them you need their help - demand it!”

So, I broke down and spilled my heart out, baring my very soul. Each person/organization always responding with “I wish there were something I could do to help, but my hands are tied.” Everyone stressed though, that I should and could not give up. It was up to me to persist and fight, continue to ask for help - until I received what I needed.

Each time I tried this approach, I always found all others absent during the times of battle. It was me against the world, but for the grace of God. I have always asserted the knowledge, that when I look behind me and see only one set of foot prints - I thank God for carrying me when I no longer had the strength to walk.

Yet, while I had that knowledge, I missed the most important lesson God was trying to teach me. And while others have made comments on my determination and strength, saying they would have given up if faced with the same situation - my response was always the same: “I keep telling God he has way too much confidence in me!”

Many times I have cried myself to sleep, asking God’s forgiveness for any wrong doings I might have done - begging God to give me the strength, determination, and love in heart to do what had to be done. Analyzing my motives, actions, words - everything you can think of - trying to figure out what I was doing to earn this ill favor from God, that my life was so filled with heartache and hardship.

Five little words kept repeating in my mind, and passing my lips - throughout my life. Yet, I never analyzed them closely or considered the weight they carried. Eureka! How could something [considered] so silly have such a dramatic impact on my life? Are you ready for this? It really is that simple. What are those five words?

First, let me state: God’s word is always true and he does hear our pleas of help. God also proves his word is true when we dare to doubt them. For as firm as my beliefs where, I still had [secret] doubts. Not in God - but in my own abilities. And therein lies the irony.

“I’m not that strong God!” Those five little words - in essence, I was challenging God and his promise: His Word, against my own words and thoughts. God knows our strength, even when we don’t. And, we raise the question with our own doubts, invoking God’s response. If we dare to doubt, he will supply the proof we need - showing again and again, if needed: He does not challenge us to face anything alone or with anything less than we need to “Overcome anything and everything” life presents.

But wait, it gets even better once you realize there is a sure way to decipher the answers to any question life presents. Whether it’s a question of self improvement, which career to choose or how to find success in life, you possess the knowledge. You only need to learn how to tap into that knowledge and put it to good use.

Do you owe it to others, to share or reward good measure? Are you one of those people who give, then give some more, only to feel like you are being taken advantage of by others? If so, take advantage of my free member subscription now [while you still can] for access to this future article posting.

Until next time …

Changing the world one action at a time - is it really possible for one person to change anything? If only I had a nickel for every time I heard someone say, “What can I do, I’m only one person!” To which I must respond:

We’ve all had those days where it seems everything is just destined to go wrong. Now, I want you to search your mind for two such times, but take note to my conditions - I have two:

• Think about a really bad day, when it seemed everyone you encountered was rude or inconsiderate - then think about “how” that made you feel, think, and react afterwards.
• Think about a really bad day - maybe your thoughts were leading you to believe nobody cared anymore - then someone does something, says something wonderful - soaring your spirits once again. How that made you feel, and more important - how that affected the way you treated others afterwards.

Positive thinking “Your seven days in 7 ways program to Enlightenment”

Do you have a bright idea hidden somewhere in the back of your mind? Something that you just can’t wait to test out. We all have bright ideas. So what motivates one person to churn those creative, or even inspiring juices to fruitation? While others will only ‘play’ with the ideas in their heads?

Setting personal goals can accomplish maximum results in record time. Maybe mowing the lawn before sitting down to watch the big game on TV. Balancing your bank account before you budget the current month’s bills. Or organizing that closet. A positive attitude in whatever you do, will make things easier and most often — enjoyable.

Thinking big is the American Way and that’s what made our country prosperous. But, for too many people, thinking big is nothing more than dreaming. So, to them I say, “So long and while it’s been nice knowing you, I’m moving on to higher ground.”

When we view anything in life in a negative light, that is what will follow. We find success in the things we do when the precept and expectation is for a positive result. Ergo, positivity begets positivity and negativity begets negativity. If one starts out with the expectation of failure, that is what they will find as the end result. Enlightenment comes with the ideas of an open mind.

Here’s a few tips to make the most of your day — throughout the week. Even when we’re just sitting in our favorite easy chair our mind is still hard at work. Ideas take time to form. And while we appear to be sitting idle, doing nothing, these ideas are spinning the gears of our mind. Sometimes, when we least expect it, we find the solutions to problems or answers to make our ideas reality.

1. Take passionate action towards living your life by design. Talk is cheap, but action is the equivalent of ‘deposits’ in the bank account of a passionately authentic future. Without action, passion is void.

This is a perfect example of ‘where dreams are made of’ by tinkering with your mind, rather then with your hands. Until you dream it, it cannot begin the process of becoming a reality. And if the idea weakens, you can always go back to it later with a fresh view.

2. Commit to yourself [as well as those you love] to create a powerful ‘life’ you can love and actually enjoy living. Instead of reacting, commit to creating from your heart and soul, out of love rather than fear. The American Dream will always be there, but a dream will still be a dream if it never gets put into motion. Be amazed in your ability to achieve and let the transformation begin.

3. Recognize and embrace the thought that each moment is perfect regardless of its outcome. Every time you hit on something that may appear too extreme, why not give it a shot anyway, it just might work. In fact, you might be pleasantly surprised to see there are other ways to get the task done. There’s more than one way to peel a potato. If you are not pleased with the outcome, decide to use that moment to learn and make the appropriate shift.

4. Dwell in a complete state of gratitude. Learn to utilize what you have in your hands and make use of it in the most constructive way. Slipping into neediness will become less of a habit when you repeatedly shift towards gratitude and away from poverty consciousness.

5. Use a Passion Formula of “Recognize/Reevaluate/Restore” in place of “Shoulda/Woulda/Coulda.” The former is based on increased knowledge and abundance, while the latter focuses on scarcity and lack thereof. As you face people or tasks that may ’seem more difficult than scaling the summit of the Himalayas’ allow yourself to realize that the task is just as important as giving out orders to your subordinates. You would rather be richly passionate!

6. Keep humor at the forefront of your thoughts, laughing at [and with] yourself when possible. You may find yourself quite entertaining when you loosen up! I have yet to see a comedian ever go hungry, even though his jokes are as ‘old’ as great-grandma. Life has too much to offer, don’t allow yourself to mope around in self pity. Humor is very attractive, very passionate, and extremely contagious.

7. Believe that you are the architect of your destiny. No one can take your passionate future from you — except you! Create your life authentically. As long as there’s still a breath in your body, there is no end to how much you can accomplish in a lifetime. The concept of thinking big is all about enjoying your work, which will lead to celebrating a discovery that was born within your mind. Watch everything flow into place with perfect, passionate precision.

It’s interesting how people get wallowed up by something as trivial as learning to use a computer. Nowadays top computer companies are manufacturing software that even our toddlers can operate. I don’t mean to be condescending, but that’s the idea of not having any positive thinking in your life. So instead of subjecting yourself to a negative attitude of what you will be doomed for, make your own destiny by taking the first step with a positive attitude. Challenge yourself to develop your coping skills, then take it one step further by developing solutions that work for you.

The mind that believes all things are possible, opens the possibility of all things.

Copyright 2009 Odella aka Alhavakia

 

 

There are days when it seems like everything goes wrong, despite your best efforts. Days like that are enough to make you give up and resign yourself to the mentality of “why should I even try.” What might have started out as a great day can wind up in the toilet in the blink of an eye.  And, most of the time you will find yourself bouncing back to your usual ‘happy’ self.

But, for some people, repeated events over time can drain one of their energy, cause self doubt and in the most drastic circumstances - depression and despondence. A smaller group might find themselves pulled into a deep depression and lose their lust for life - hopefully for only a very short period of time.

Common sense tells us that by preparing and planning for future events we can avoid complications and lessen the effects in some situations. We plan vacations, weddings, dinner dates and everything right down to daily routines. Overlooking alternate planning or plain failing to plan for the unexpected can really throw a monkey wrench into the best laid plans. Depending on the importance of the circumstance, you could find yourself crying or even lashing out in uncontrollable anger. Neither of which is going to improve your mental state.

Unfortunately, we fail to plan counter attacks to minimize potential future events. I like to call it the ‘band aid’ effect. We become complacent as we go through the daily routines, assuming good days will be followed by more good days.

Then … BAM! We get blindsided and knocked on our butt. Always waiting until ‘after’ something goes wrong. Now we attempt to piece things back together or undo what has been done with half-hearted patch-ups. Ergo, the band aid effect.

Now, I know we can’t plan for every potential event that might ‘possibly’ happen; but we can use our common sense and plan with foresight when it comes to the more important things. The things that hold our day together, or hold us together mentally.

Here’s some real food for thought: Remember the old saying “when it rains, it pours?” How about “an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure?” Well, I’m of the mindset that an ounce of prevention is worth Ten pounds of cure!

Those days when it pours will appear at some point or another and if you are already stressed, depressed, or feeling defeated, the chances of handling the situation effectively are next to none. This can create a downhill spiral with a ’snowball’ effect.

Instead of passing by that nail that somehow worked its way out of the wood, stop and fix it. Then go one step further, take measures to prevent the nail working loose again. Never put off until tomorrow what can be done today. This applies to every area of life, but most importantly good mental health and loved ones.

Forethought is great medicine for the mind, body, and soul. It only takes a few seconds to destroy what it can take a lifetime to create. So protect what you value by planning for the unexpected, expecting the unplanned and focus on being positive.

And, when the bad stuff comes at you, look for the silver lining or lesson to be learned. If nothing else you will have walked away from the situation with less mental anguish and better coping skills for the future.