There is so much to know about conversation that anyone, even I, could ever realize. You can watch talk shows, listen to radio programs, join clubs dedicated to public speaking, engage in ordinary conversations; but, certain rules still apply when it comes to interaction through words. It may sound tedious, I know, but even though it’s your mouth that’s doing the work, your brain works twice as hard to churn out a lot of things you know. So what better way to start learning to be an effective communicator, then to learn from the very person closest to you: yourself.

1. What you know.
Education is all about learning the basics, but to be an effective speaker is to practice what you’ve learned. We all have our limitations, but that doesn’t mean we can’t learn to keep up and share what we know.

2. Listening.
It’s just as important as asking questions. Sometimes listening to the sound of our own voice can teach us to be a little bit confident with ourselves and to say the things we believe in with conviction.

3. Humility
We all make mistakes, and sometimes we tend to slur our words, stutter, and probably mispronounce certain words even though we know what it means, but rarely use it only to impress listeners. So in a group, don’t be afraid to ask if you’re saying the right word properly and if they’re unsure about it then make a joke out of it. I promise you it’ll make everyone laugh and you can get away with it as well.

4. Eye Contact
There’s a lot to say when it comes to directing your attention to your audience with an eye-catching gaze. It’s important that you keep your focus when talking to a large group in a meeting or a gathering, even though he or she may be gorgeous.

5. Kidding around
A little bit of humor can do wonders to lift the tension or boredom when making your speech. That way, you’ll get the attention of the majority of the crowd and they’ll feel that you’re just as approachable as those who listen.

6. Be like the rest of them
Interaction is all about mingling with other people. You’ll get a lot of ideas, as well as knowing what people make them as they are.

7. Me, Myself, and I
Admit it, there are times you sing to yourself in the shower. I know I do! Listening to the sound of your own voice while you practice your speech in front of a mirror can help correct the stress areas of your pitch. And while you’re at it you can spruce up as well.

8. With a smile
A smile says it all much like eye contact. There’s no point on grimacing or frowning in a meeting or a gathering, unless it’s a wake. You can better express what you’re saying when you smile.

9. A Role Model
There must be at least one or two people in your life you have listened to when they’re at a public gathering or maybe at church. Sure they read their lines, but taking a mental note of how they emphasize what they say can help you once you take center stage.

10. Preparation
Make the best out of preparation, rather than just scribbling notes and often in a hurried panic. Some people like to write things down on index cards, while other resort to being a little more silly as they look at their notes written on the palm of their hand (not for clammy hands, please). Just be comfortable with what you know since you enjoy your work.

And that about wraps it up. These suggestions are rather amateurish in edgewise, but I’ve learned to empower myself when it comes to public or private speaking and it never hurts to be with people to listen how they make conversations and meetings far more enjoyable as well as educational.

A vital skill in becoming an effective communicator is the ability to listen. Listening skills are not taught in school, and sadly are largely undeveloped skills in many people. To listen effectively is a powerful skill that can be learned and practiced. You will gain more respect and esteem through listening rather than through talking.

There is however, a great difference between hearing and listening. Hearing refers to the physical dimension of the sound waves striking the ear and the brain processing them into meaningful information. Listening however, involves far more than the hearing process. It incorporates paying attention and focusing with the intention of understanding and responding appropriately.

The most basic of all human needs is the need to understand and to be understood. The best way to understand people is to listen to them. Not only that, but when people feel that you have really listened to them, you will gain their respect and they will value and give you the credibility to speak.

Consider how you feel when you sense someone is really listening to what you have to say. You feel good, you feel understood, and more connected to the person who is listening. The fact that they are interested in hearing what you say gives value to your worth and creates a connection.

One important element of listening is the ability to attend.

Attending is the process where we focus in on a message and filter out others that are distracting. It is to be able to focus on what the person is saying, and filter out all the other things that may be happening at the same time. Someone once said (his name was anonymous) that the reason history repeats itself is because no one was listening the first time.

We must filter out all distractions and focus on the words, in the manner of which they are spoken. Taking note of inflections and pauses, in order to absorb the full impact of the message someone is trying to convey!

One of the biggest distractions to attending is our desire to talk

The desire to talk is so strong that while the other person is talking we can be thinking about what we are going to say next, and waiting for an opportunity to speak. As we focus on what we are going to say or interject, our attention goes from what the person is saying to our own thoughts. Although appearing to be interested and attentive, we can easily be distracted by our thoughts or something else that may be happening at the same time. At that point perhaps we do fall into merely hearing and not listening. Our mind’s attention has drifted onto other things and is no longer intent on understanding and responding.

True listening is a skill which needs to be learned and practiced, because the mind functions seven times more quickly than it is possible to speak. Therefore the mind needs to be slowed down and focused on what the person is saying, and not pay attention to other irrelevant thoughts or distractions.

The power of listening is a way of building rapport and connecting with people. Asking or answering questions only during those periods of inflection and pause, as they pertain to the conversation.  Rather than interjecting your own thoughts, attend the speaker’s words.

I have used this strategy and was amazed at the results. Not only have the questions given me a greater understanding of the person, but through actively listening to people without commenting or putting my 2 cents worth in, they have experienced encouragement and a sense of connectedness. I now make sure that I ask questions and listen more, rather than just speaking my own thoughts.

If you are having a difficult time following their thoughts, ask them to elaborate or ask them to explain in more detail - then just listen and attend their words closely - resisting the urge to interrupt.

And at the end of the conversation, you might just hear them saying, “That was the best conversation I’ve had in a long time.” Who knows, you just might learn something new, in addition to honing your listening skills.