WHY IS IT IMPORTANT TO IMPROVE YOURSELF?

Sometimes, when all our doubts, fears and insecurities  get wrapped around us, we come up with thoughts like, “I wish I was somebody else.” More often than not, we think and believe that someone or rather, most people are better than us - when in reality, the fact is, most people are more scared than us.

You spot a totally eye-catching girl sitting by herself at a party, casually sipping on a glass of Asti Spumanti. You think to yourself, “she looks so perfectly calm and confident.” But if you could read her mind, you would see a cloud of self-doubt; and you might just be amazed that she’s thinking “are people talking about why I am seated here alone?… Why don’t guys find me attractive? …I don’t like my ankles, they look too skinny… I wish I was as intelligent as my best friend.”

We look at a young business entrepreneur and say “Woah… what else could he ask for?” He stares at himself in the mirror and murmur to himself, “I hate my big eyes… I wonder why my friends won’t talk to me… I hope mom and dad will work things out.”

Isn’t it funny? We look at other people, envy them for looking so outrageously perfect and wish we could trade places with them? While they look at us and think the same thing. We are insecure of other people who themselves are insecure of us. It can become a vicious circle of thoughts. We suffer from low self-esteem, lack of self-confidence and lose hope in self improvement, because we allow ourselves to become enveloped in quiet desperation.

Everyone has their own challenges in life that they must overcome. There is no such thing as ‘the perfect’ life. But, that doesn’t mean we can’t make our life ‘perfect’ for us. While it’s true, money makes life a whole lot easier to deal with, there are many rich people who would trade their fortune to find that one true love. Everything in life has some sort of trade off, it keeps life balanced. But, you don’t have to trade the most valuable thing you possess - the ability to focus and appreciate all the good things in your life.

The Ability:

Sometimes, you notice that you have an irritating habit like biting your fingernails, having a foul mouth, and you - of all people - are the last to know or realize. But, with that realization comes the ability to change and improve.

I have a friend who never gets tired of talking about herself. And in most conversations, she is the only one who seems to be interested in the things she has to say. So all of our other friends tend to avoid the circle whenever she’s around, and she doesn’t notices how badly she became socially handicapped - gradually affecting the people in her environment.

The greatest key to self improvement is to LISTEN first, and then TALK. Find someone who you find comfort in opening up with, even the most gentle topics you want to discuss. Ask questions like “do you think I am ill-mannered?”, “Do I always sound so argumentative?”, “Do I talk too loud?”, “Do I ever bore you when we’re together?”. Then listen to what they have to say. Think about what they said with an open mind. Then, talk about it with your friend, ask for suggestions and come up with a positive plan to make improvements.

In this way, the other person will obviously know that you are interested in the process of self improvement. Lend him/her your ears for comments and criticisms and don’t give him/her responses like “Don’t exaggerate! That’s just the way I am!” Open up your mind and heart as well. And in return, you may want to help your friend with constructive criticism that will also help him/her improve.

One of Whitney Houston’s songs says “Learning to love yourself is the greatest love of all.” True enough. In order to love others, you must love yourself first. Remember, you cannot give what you do not have.

Before telling other people some ways on how to improve themselves, let them see that you yourself are a representation of self improvement. Self improvement makes us better people, we then inspire other people, and then the rest of the world will follow.

Stop thinking of yourselves as second-rate. Forget the repetitive thought of “If only I was richer… if only I was thinner” and so on. Accepting your true self is the first step to self improvement. We need to stop comparing ourselves to others, only to think in the end, that we’ve got 10 more reasons to envy them. Because you know what? They are most likely thinking the same thing.

We all have our insecurities. Nobody is perfect. We always wish we had better things, better features, better body parts, etc. But life need not be perfect for people to be happy about themselves. Self improvement and loving yourself is not a matter of shouting to the whole world that you are perfect and you are the best. It’s the virtue of acceptance and contentment. When we begin to improve ourselves, we then begin to feel contented and happy.

Realizing your own self worth improves your confidence, thus improving everything from body posture to speech and eye contact. Don’t just talk about how you feel, show it through your actions. Back that up with positive reinforcement and you will be amazed at the results, as well as your improved mood.

Here’s a real good example, that keeps it simple:

A child touches or plays with something [maybe of financial value or just plain dangerous] that you would rather they not touch. The worse way to ‘attempt’ teaching that child is usually a swat on the hand and firmly stating, “No.” And I say attempt, because this will only make the child desire the object more.

Instead, try the following: (Explain in words they understand) Pick up one of their toys, a book, or safe alternate object - while displaying extreme interest in object. Most children will refocus their attention to the object you possess. For those children who do not, suggest a trade or tell them - “Here, you may play with this, but that [the object they possess] is not safe, let mommy/daddy have it. Gently remove the object from their hand, saying “thank you, that was a very good girl/boy.”

The same positive reinforcement applies with adults. When you focus on the positive, the negative moves to the background. The more positive your focus, the better you will feel and the easier solutions will come to follow. People will see you in a positive light, because you are positive as a person. Only good things can come from that. The positive feeds off the positive - get it?

Now start starving the negative and feeding the positive!

Change your point of view and you can change your life, it’s all about perception.

“Two men look out through the same bars: One sees the mud, and one sees the stars.”- Frederick Langbridge, A Cluster of Quiet Thoughts

If you’ve placed second in a writing contest, will you jump for joy and push for better results the next time or will you be discouraged and find an excuse not to join again?

In life, you are always filled with choices. You may opt to have a pessimist’s view and live a self-defeated life or you may decide to take the optimist’s route and take a challenging and fulfilling life.

So why nurture an optimist’s point of view? And why now?

Well, optimism has been linked to positive mood and good morale; to academic, athletic, military, occupational and political success; to popularity; to good health and even to long life and freedom from trauma.

On the other hand, the rates of depression and pessimism have never been higher. It affects middle-aged adults the same way it hits younger people. The mean age of onset has gone from 30 to 15. It is no longer a middle-aged housewife’s disorder but also a teenager’s disorder’ as well.

Optimists expect the best

The defining characteristic of pessimists is that they tend to believe bad events, which will last a long time and undermine everything they do, are their own fault.

The truth is optimists are confronted with the same hard knocks of this world. What differs is the way they explain their misfortune—it’s the opposite way. They tend to believe defeat is just a temporary setback, that its causes are confined to this one case.

Optimists tend to focus on and plan for the ‘problem’ at hand. They use ‘positive reinterpretation.’ In other words, they most likely reinterpret a negative experience in a way that helps them learn and grow. Such people are unfazed by bad situation, they perceive it is a challenge and try harder.

They won’t say “things will never get better,” “If I failed once, it will happen again” and “If I experience misfortune in one part of my life, then it will happen in my whole life.”

Positive expectancies of optimists also predict better reactions during transitions to new environments, sudden tragedies and unlikely turn of events. If they fall, they will stand up. They see opportunities instead of obstacles.

People respond positively to optimists

Optimists are proactive and less dependent on others for their happiness. They find no need to control or manipulate people. They usually draw people towards them. Their optimistic view of the world can be contagious and influence those they are with.

Optimism seems a socially desirable trait in all communities. Those who share optimism are generally accepted while those who spread gloom, panic and hysteria are treated unfavorably.

In life, these people often win elections; get voted most congenial and sought for advice.

When the going gets tough, optimists get tougher

Optimists typically maintain higher levels of subjective well-being during times of stress than do people who are less optimistic. In contrast, pessimists are likely to react to stressful events by denying that they exist or by avoiding dealing with problems. Pessimists are more likely to quit trying when difficulties arise.

They persevere. They just don’t give up easily, they are also known for their patience. Inching their way a step closer to that goal or elusive dream.

Optimists are healthier and live longer

Medical research has justified that simple pleasures and a positive outlook can cause a measurable increase in the body’s ability to fight disease.

Optimists’ health is unusually good. They age well, much freer than most people from the usual physical ills of middle age. And they get to outlive those prone to negative thoughts.

So why not be an optimist today? And think positively towards a more fulfilled life.

Why not look forward to success in all your endeavors? Why not be resilient? Like everybody else, you are bound to hit lows sometimes, but don’t just stay there. Carry yourself out of the mud and improve your chances of getting back on the right track. And why not inspire others to remove their dark-colored glasses and see life in the bright side?

Remember this: What you seek is what you will find, so why not look for the positives?